Cold Open - The opening skit was Shepard Smith (Bill Hader) interviewing Mitt & Ann Romney and their five sons. I kinda liked the Psycho spin with Shep, but it was otherwise forgettable.
Opening Monologue - At first I have to overcome my shock of seeing what Lindsay Lohan looks like these days. Why oh why did she get plastic surgery on her cheeks? But the premise of the monologue was good, with Kenan Thompson and Kristen Wiig wishing her well while casually checking her for drugs. We also got surprise appearances from Jimmy Fallon and Jon Hamm.
The Real Housewives of Disney - Belle (Abby Elliott), Snow White (Vanessa Bayer), Jasmine (Nasim Pedrad), Rapunzel (Lohan), and Cinderella (Wiig) exude typical Bravo behavior. A couple half-smirks in there, but it should have been better than it was.
Scared Straight - Wow, this sketch again? The one laugh is when Thompson comes out as Lorenzo and Lohan comes out as... herself. She speeds through her lines with zero conviction. Awful. Although I do want to know whatever made Jason Sudeikis crack, thus sending Hader, Andy Samberg and Bobby Moynihan into giggle fits.
I also fast-forward the musical guest. In this case it was Jack White as Johnny Depp as Jack White.
Weekend Update - Meh. Hader shows up as James Carville and Moynihan as pregnant Snooki.
The 2012 Psychic Awards - Samberg and Lohan act as hosts in this award-show parody. I liked how their In Memorium was for fellow psychics they knew were going to die later this year. Lohan's also not asked to do much in this one. Good.
Deliquent Girl Teen Gang - I didn't get what they were going for here. The main joke was Fred Armisen in drag repeatedly getting hit by a car.
Digital Short - Wiig and Samberg with a giant, giant afro sing a song. This one will not go viral.
B108 FM Morning Radio - Taran Killam, Moynihan and Lohan as morning DJs with a lot of "what what" enthusiasm and no intelligence. Bayer shows up as a nerdy news announcer who's not on their vibe. #Yawn
Housesitter - Lohan (in a red wig!) shows up to housesit for Wiig, in a neckbrace, who dramatically answers the phone like one of those 1970's women-in-trouble chicks. The joke is she's butt-dialing herself. Heh.
Commercial pardoies of Chantix and Verizon, both repeats, but both good.
Rude Buddha - Samberg as Buddha, who gives wisdom to people's faces, then talks smack about them when they leave. Pretty lame.
Songs from the 1970s - Sudeikis acts like he's going to do one of those commercials for song collections on CD, but it quickly goes to a silly place. It was a a throwaway that I actually found one of the funniest things they did tonight.
And that's the show. Kinda lame overall. I know calling SNL lame has been as fashionable forever, but sometimes they do have good stuff. I actually miss Paul Brittain and wish I knew why he left the show so abruptly. Lohan as host wasn't January Jones terrible, but she wasn't great either. I guess it's progress to show she can still walk and talk at the same time.