Starring Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Stephen Lang, Rose McGowan and Ron Perlman. Directed by Marcus Nispel.★½
At one point this was going to star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Mickey Rourke. Johnson decided not to because he felt it too similar to The Scorpion King. That's my basic memory of it. Conan's one of those properties I figured would be served well by a reboot. There are several Conan books to draw from for source material.
Alas, they gave it to Marcus Nispel, maker of Pathfinder and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So it never really had a chance to be good.
The plot's irrelevant, an excuse for a villain to kill most dastardly and a hero to kill most mercilessly. Everyone in this age is made of tomato soup, so splattery is their blood every time they get cut, chopped, sliced, nicked or breathed upon most hotly.
Momoa was better as Khal Drago on HBO's Game of Thrones. I can't complain about most of the others. Lang's found a career resurgance thanks to Avatar, and the women deliver about what I expected.
I just wish someone more imaginative had been hired to bring Conan to life. So much of it played like the first half of Pathfinder, and there were recognizable elements from numerous Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. As is, it's a waste of time and money.
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