xXx: Return of Xander Cage - DVD Review

Starring Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Toni Collette, Deepika Padukone, Ruby Rose, Tony Jaa, Nina Dobrev, Rory McCann, Kris Wu, Michael Bisping and Samuel L. Jackson.
Written by F. Scott Frazier.
Directed by D.J. Caruso.

★½

I must admit this movie was even cheesier than I thought it would be. When xXx first came out in 2002, it was supposed to be an edgier, hipper US antidote to James Bond, with a focus more on extreme sports and stunts rather than unreal gadgets. Vin Diesel thought he was too big a star to return for the sequel, so a quickly forgotten xXx 2 with Ice Cube looked like the end of a franchise before it could even begin.

Fast-forward a few years, where Vin Diesel movies that aren't part of the Fast & Furious franchise lose money, and it made sense for him to see if he could resurrect this. Domestically no, but overseas it made enough money to justify another movie, if the producers are so inclined.

Cage is a rebel, and when he's recruited to stop a handful of xXx-trained mercenaries who steal a superpowerful device called Pandora's Box (which is very similar to the Eye from F&F), there's always that edge of when he's going to ditch the government agents watching him and go rogue. It's the type of movie where whereever he goes, he's greeted by sexy young women who want to sleep with him. When he meets other people, they are surrounded by scantily-clad young women who serve as eye-candy, security, or whatever else excuse the filmmakers can conjure.

Even the geeky IT girl is played by the gorgeous Nina Dobrev, and she can't wait to tell Cage her safeword. Seriously.

So there are some cool stunts, some bad green-screens, and the whole thing felt so full of cliches that if they'd cast everyone 25 years older, you'd have The Expendables 4.

At least it had Donnie Yen as the antagonist. He was by far the best part of the movie.

New TV Show Reviews

ABC's LUCKY 7 - It wound up being exactly what I thought it would be, and I didn't have high expectations. It's a semi-sweet little drama about seven people who win the lottery, but it doesn't solve all their problems, and no one had a story I felt like following.  Grade: C-

CBS's HOSTAGES - The set-up is interesting. I don't know how far it can go, but this 15-episode season is set up with a rogue FBI agent (and some helpers) kidnapping the family of a surgeon (Toni Collette) who's scheduled to operate on the US President. She needs to let him die during surgery, or they will kill her family. The ratings have helped me decide to not add it to my DVR rotation.  Grade: B

CBS's WE ARE MEN - CBS's once powerhouse Monday lineup is getting less and less funny. This one actually isn't that bad, which means if I had to choose between watching another episode of this or 2 Broke Girls, I'd pick this. It's not worth hunting down, though. It's about four guys who've been wrecked by bad relationships who serve as each other's wingmen when looking for love.  Kal Penn, Tony Shalhoub, Jerry O'Connell and Chris Smith (who?) are the four guys. Grade: C+

FOX's DADS - I already reviewed it, but just wanted to point out again it's terrible. Grade: F

FOX's BROOKLYN NINE-NINE - Much better show that comes on right after Dads, and it deserves a better lead-in.  Andy Samberg is about what you'd expect as the fun-loving but competent detective, the Hawkeye in this MASH unit, if you will.  Andre Braugher gets to show off some comedic chops as the straight-laced captain (who's also gay).  Probably the funniest of the new comedies I've seen thus far. Grade: B+

AMC's LOW WINTER SUN - I gave this three episodes, and the second two were better than the pilot, but the new episodes were adding up on my DVR and after seeing its ratings I just deleted them. I liked the cast, and maybe it could have grown into something special, but it starts with the main character murdering someone. He's doing it because he thinks this dirty cop killed his girlfriend, but he finds out afterward that his girlfriend is still alive.  He's already crossed the line, so what am I rooting for?  Grade: C+