JCVD (***) - Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Francois and Damiens.
Directed by Mabrouk El Mechri.
Who knew the Muscles from Brussels could act? Here, JCVD plays himself, pretty much, going through another divorce, facing a child custody case, filming a crappy straight-to-DVD movie that might open in a couple European countries, when he finds himself in the middle of a robbery. Now one of JC's characters could dispatch all the bad guys in a few minutes. But in real life, with real hostages, he's forced to just play along. It's performance art reminiscent of what John Malkovich had to do in Being John Malkovich.
There is one monologue that JC gives to the camera where he sums up his life in three minutes, and it made me feel for the guy. Can't Sly Stallone find a part for him in The Expendables? A quick check on IMDB says his next project is the surely-straight-to-DVD Universal Soldiers: The Next Generation, which may or may not co-star Dolph Lundgren.
The movie's filmed in Belgium, and it's 90% subtitled.