The Meg - Movie Review

Starring Jason Statham, Li Bingbing, Rainn Wilson, Cliff Curtis, Ruby Rose, Winston Chao, Page Kennedy, Jamie McNamee, Robert Taylor, Olafur Darri Olafsson, Sophia Cai and Masi Oka.
Written by Dean Georgaris, Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber.
Directed by Jon Turteltaub.

★★½

This is a movie about a giant prehistoric shark. When the movie focuses on the giant prehistoric shark, the dumb popcorn fun happens. When it tries to focus on "character development," it falls flat. And at a two-hour running time, there's too airtime that does not contain the giant prehistoric shark.

It's based on a series of books, so I would assume that means there's somewhat intelligent source material to draw from. Director Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure) takes a hammy script and makes it worse by dwelling too long on reactions after alleged laugh lines, choppy pacing, and very lopsided acting. Some of the acting is so bad, I was begging for this character or that to get killed off as soon as possible so I wouldn't have to hear their painful line-reads anymore.

But this movie's budget didn't hit $130 million because of some all-star cast. It's about the effects, and the Megalodon is a really cool creation. It's ominous in the dark waters, its giant mouth can bite through a whale, and there's some genuine excitement/suspense when it approaches.

Overall, I don't mind having seen it on $5 Tuesday. I would see a sequel, because I assume they'd try to learn from what doesn't work here. Is it the next Jaws? Nope. Is it the next Jaws 2? Close.

The Fate of the Furious - Movie Review

Starring Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Charlize Theron, Jason Statham, Michelle Rodriguez, Kurt Russell, Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Scott Eastwood, Nathalie Emmanuel, Kristofer Hivju, Elsa Pataky, Luke Evans and Helen Mirren.
Written by Chris Morgan.
Directed by F. Gary Gray.

★★

These movies are now so loud, so huge, so spectacular, so stunt-reliant, the plot matters less and less each time. Maybe the plot never mattered. They're dangerously close to venturing into Tranformers territory. Would it surprise anyone if this franchise wound up going to space?

This centers around Dom (Vin Diesel) who's been a criminal since the first movie, but he keeps getting pardoned for weird reasons, or just on the lam with no official desire to bring him in. The latest giant international incident that's worthy of a Mission Impossible movie has the world's most dangerous cyberterrorist Cipher (Charlize Theron) blackmailing Dom into helping steal the God's Eye device (the high-tech thingy from the last movie that allows the user to see what's going on at any location on Earth), and once she has that, she's going to use to steal nuclear codes.

It's a late reveal what leverage Cipher has on Dom, but you know, not only do people die over the course of events, but he's giving her the power to start World War III. What possible leverage would make Dom do that?

Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell) enlists Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and Dom's crew to stop Cipher, and he even gets Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham), the main villain from the last movie, to help them out. Now this franchise likes to say it's about family. Han was part of the family for a few movies, and in Furious 7, Deckard killed Han. Killed him. And no one brings it up. Han's name is never said. By the end of the movie, Deckerd is embraced as a full member of the crew.

He killed Han!

I'll give you Dom not once but twice driving a car that's engulfed in flames and not getting a single burn, or Dom outdriving a heat-seeking missile, but you can't just have everyone forget that Deckard killed one of their members.

I suppose in the next movie, Cipher will return and help the crew fight a different villain. And Han will come back from the dead because *shrug emoji*.

Random Entertainment News - 5/7/13

- The Avengers 2 is slated for May 2015, but not all of the actors are pinned down, most notably Robert Downey Jr.  Downey made $50 million on the first Avengers and could wind up in the $70 million range for the sequel.  Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Mark Ruffalo (Hulk) and others also haven't agreed, and Marvel may replace some of them if they can't settle salary disputes.

- Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty) is in talks to join Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway and Michael Caine in Christopher Nolan's Interstellar.  Jonathan Nolan (The Dark Knight) wrote the script, and it's set to open November 7, 2014.

- Johnny Depp (The Baker) and Meryl Streep (The Witch) are in talks to star in a big-screen version of Into the Woods for director Rob Marshall (Chicago).

- Channing Tatum and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are teaming up for a remake of Guys & Dolls.  The original film version starred Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra.

- Meanwhile, Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill will return for 21 Jump Street 2, set to open June 6, 2014.

- Megan Fox will play April in a new live-action/CGI Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Will Arnett co-stars.

- Jason Statham will star in a remake of Heat, not the 1995 classic with Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro, but the 1987 drama that starred Burt Reynolds.  It's about a gambler who takes on the mob after his friend is brutally beaten.  Sofia Vergara, Stanley Tucci. Jason Alexander, Anne Heche and Michael Angarano co-star.

- NBC has renewed five dramas for this fall - Grimm, Law & Order: SVU, Revolution, Parenthood and Chicago Fire.

- Angus T. Jones will not return as a regular on CBS's Two and a Half Men this fall.  Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer have signed new one-year deals to continue with Season 11.

The Expendables 2 - DVD Review

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Bruce Willis, Terry Crews, Liam Hemsworth, Randy Couture, Nan Yu and Chuck Norris.
Directed by Simon West.

★½

I don't remember much about the "plot" of the first one, but the second one has less of it.  Stallone and company are hired mercenaries who go in to fortified headquarters in whatever country, shoot down a hundred henchmen, blow stuff up, then leave.

Then they get a job that is supposed to be easy, but "one of their own" is killed, which makes it personal.

It's inspired that they bring in Jean-Claude Van Damme to play the main villain.  Most of the rest of it is tired rehash.  They fire a lot of guns, they exchange one-liners, they fire more guns, they make in-jokes (Arnold and Bruce say each other's catchphrases at one point), and nothing else about it justifies its existence.  Chuck Norris shows up? Huh. Does he do anything cool?  Not really.

So maybe when they make Expendables 3, they'll get Carl Weathers, Gerard Butler and Dwayne Johnson, and they'll invade North Korea and overthrow Kim Jong-Un.  Might as well.

Random Movie Stuff - 10/19/12

- Warner Bros. plans to release a Justice League movie in Summer 2015. No director have been announced. Christopher Nolan passed on the offer to produce it.  Will Beall has a written a script.  No word if Henry Cavill (Superman), Christian Bale (Batman) and Ryan Reynolds (Green Lantern) will be attached, but it's said to use those characters as well as Wonder Woman and the Flash.  The Avengers 2 is also scheduled to open Summer 2015.

- Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters has been moved back to January 25.  It stars Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton as the famous gingerbread-house-visiting siblings, grown up and determined to fight all witches.

- Jason Statham will star in Homefront, about a DEA agent who retires to a small town only to find out the town has its own drug underbelly.  Sylvester Stallone wrote the screenplay.  It co-stars James Franco, Winona Ryder, Kate Bosworth, Frank Grillo (The Grey) and Rachelle LeFevre (Twilight).

- Liam Neeson, James Franco, Kim Basinger, Adrien Brody, Mila Kunis, Maria Bello and Olivia Wilde will star in Paul Haggis's next drama Third Person, which will weave together three storylines, one in Paris, one in New York, and one in Rome.

- Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood) has joined the cast of Prisoners, starring Hugh Jackman (Swordfish) as a man who takes the law into his own hands after his wife and child are kidnapped.  Jake Gyllenhaal (End of Watch) and Melissa Leo (The Fighter) co-star.

- Watched some trailers recently.  This has been my lowest movie-attending season in about ten years so I watch them online.  The most moving one for me was The Impossible, based on the true story of a family separated during the 2004 tsunami. It stars Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor.  We have yet another Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake too.  Once again, five kids go into a big house they shouldn't.  Silver Linings Playbook looks good.  Jennifer Lawrence's presense is always a plus, but Bradley Cooper's character looks like it could be his most interesting work to date.

- Saw MIRROR MIRROR (★★) on DVD and it's just far less interesting than Snow White & the Huntsman.  It's more comical, more aimed at kids.  I liked Julia Roberts, Lily Collins and the dwarves fine. I was embarrassed for Armie Hammer as the prince; this did not do him any favors and doesn't give me much hope for The Lone Ranger.

Killer Elite - DVD Review

★★

Starring Jason Statham, Clive Owen, Robert DeNiro, Dominic Purcell, Aden Young, Yvonne Strahovski, Ben Mendelsohn and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje.
Directed by Gary McKendry.

Jason Statham plays an expert assassin brought out of retirement who must kill a group of war criminals in exchange for the life of his mentor/friend (Robert DeNiro). But an ex-SAS agent (Clive Owen) is on his trail to stop him.

Thoughts I had through the movie:

"Jason Statham was born to play characters named Danny."

"Don't know who this guy is they've tied to the chair, but to me, he's the British Daniel Baldwin."

"Alkaseltzer Akawaka-Ajablahblah would probably have a more successful movie career if he'd use a more pronouncable name. I've seen it spelled out dozens of times and can never remember it. He was cool as Eko on Lost."

"Nice to see Yvonne Strahovski getting work outside of the Chuck universe."

"Wait a minute, that guy with the long hair and mutton chops is the guy from Prison Break! Wow, he looks different. Good for him."

"Why is this being lit like it's a sequel to Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever?"

"Clive Owen's mustache looked silly in the trailer, but it's actually working for me here."

"This setup is very similar to Munich, but these two movies are worlds apart. Which makes me wonder if this movie would be leagues better if Spielberg had directed it."

"Very cool car-chase sequence marred by one guy on the team doing two very stupid things in a row. One, okay. Two? How did he wind up on the team?"

"Gotta love it when movies pretend to be over at the 80-minute mark. Who they foolin'?"

"100-minute mark. Really ready for this muddled movie to be over."

"I wonder how much DeNiro was paid for what looks like about a week of work. More of an extended cameo than a supporting role."

"Ugh, Statham actually had to say 'You just don't get it, do you?' to someone."