10,000 B.C. (**) - Starring Steven Strait, Camilla Belle and Cliff Curtis.
Written by Roland Emmerich & Harald Kloser.
Directed by Roland Emmerich.
I started out enjoying this movie. Despite the hokey narration, I was ready to let myself get enveloped into this world. I didn't care about historical accuracy; if you want to tell me wooly mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers and giant killer ostriches lived at the same time as these dredlocked tribesmen, fine. I'm here for the ride.
Unfortunately, this movie is a hodgepodge of Clan of the Cave Bear, Stargate, 300 and mostly Apocalypto. Apocalypto had a peaceful village ravaged by fearsome warriors, with some of them kidnapped and taken on a long journey to their capital city, where they worship their gods and offer human sacrifice. Same plot here.
So while I could enjoy individual scenes or sequences, cool effects of a herd of mammoths and so forth, other elements kept pulling me out. Did men outnumber women 20 to 1 back then? Why does the journey bring them to a completely different climate every day and a half? They literally walk from a snow-covered mountain into a lush rain forest.
But it all comes back to Apocalypto. That movie had more compelling actors, a more focussed story, better cinematography, lusher jungles, and the best 20-minute foot-chase in history. This movie has giant killer ostriches.