Sex & the City 2 - DVD Review

*

Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth, John Corbett, Evan Handler, Jason Lewis, Alice Eve and Liza Minelli.
Directed by Michael Patrick King.

Jeez.

I have seen maybe two episodes of the series, and every once in a while I'll see a list on a magazine or website that calls S&TC one of the greatest comedies or Carrie Bradshaw one of the greatest TV characters or something. The first movie wasn't too bad; it played like five episodes in a row.

This movie too plays like five episodes in a row. Seriously, why do they keep making these almost 2-1/2 hours long? These five episodes are much worse than the previous five. Whatever appeal these characters had has been scrubbed away.

The movie spends the first hour - yes, hour - establishing what's been going on for two years and sets up for the four girls to get back to together for a luxurious trip to Abu Dhabi. Miranda's quit her job at a high-priced law firm, Charlotte's worried her husband might be a little too attracted to their new nanny, Samantha's still playing the Mighty Cougar role in her 50's, and Carrie's adjusting to married life with Mr. Big.

Trouble is, Carrie is the least likeable heroine on film in a while. I'd take any Katherine Heigl character over what Carrie has become. She's spoiled, self-centered, and whines about everything her husband does, even as every gesture he makes is one where he thinks it'll make her happy. When he suggests they take a couple days a week to "do their own thing" she asks: "Is this because I'm a b---- wife who nags you?" I'm sure several audience members yelled at the screen "Yes!"

There's a slo-mo shot of the four of them walking through the desert in their fabulous new clothes, and I thought to myself, "Where are they coming from?" This Abu Dhabi looks like Disneyland, and these four women are too shallow to see anything beyond the Arab-chic fashion they can wear. There's one scene where the four of them are singing "I Am Woman" at a luxurious karaoke bar and I remember going "Wait, how did they get here?" They've become four Marie Antoinettes.

This movie is about indulgence, expensive jewelry, and the latest shoes. It's the female equivalent of Transformers 2. Big, shiny, empty and dumb. I read one review that said it was like watching gay men playing with Barbie dolls for over two hours. That's apt.